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Hidden sequence reportedly sends Logan and Sabretooth from brutal boss fight to an unexpectedly intense heart-to-heart, immediately reigniting arguments over outside influence on modern games. By Staff ReporterLampoonTribune.com Less than 48 hours after Marvel’s Wolverine hit PlayStation 5, players have already moved past finishing the campaign and entered the far more important phase of any major game release: searching every wall, button combination, and suspiciously quiet hallway for evidence that somebody at… Read more

Strike up the band. 33 year old Pro-Choice champion and activist Darneeka Jones has set a new world record for having her 16th abortion. An aspiring actress and present stay at home pet sitter, Darneeka believes abortion is a god given right and that by having this many abortions she can relay to other women that abortions are not only safe but healthy. The record breaking abortion was preformed at the Rae… Read more

Automated moderation reportedly flagged the comment as hostile language directed at a protected day of the week. By Staff ReporterLampoonTribune.com A New Jersey man says he was hit with a seven-day Facebook suspension this week after posting the phrase “I hate Mondays,” a comment Meta’s automated moderation system allegedly flagged as hateful conduct. The user, 34-year-old office worker Daniel Mercer, said the comment was left Monday morning under a friend’s post about… Read more

CBS Makes the Obvious Choice — Michael Vick to Replace Tony Romo Apparently one alcohol-related arrest is a bridge too far. Running an interstate dogfighting operation, however, is something we can work with. CBS has finally found the perfect solution to the Tony Romo problem: replace him with Michael Vick. Romo was arrested in Wisconsin in July on suspicion of operating while intoxicated, reportedly after performing poorly during field-sobriety testing. CBS responded… Read more

Strike up the band. 33 year old Pro-Choice champion and activist Darneeka Jones has set a new world record for having her 16th abortion. An aspiring actress and present stay at home pet sitter, Darneeka believes abortion is a god given right and that by having this many abortions she can relay to other women that abortions are not only safe but healthy. The record breaking abortion was preformed at the Rae… Read more

Tel Aviv, Israel — In a moment that blended ancient symbolism with the modern realities of the internet economy, white smoke rose over Tel Aviv early this morning, signaling that a decision of global importance had been made. Officials confirmed that a new CEO of OnlyFans has been selected following the reported passing of longtime executive Leo Radvinsky. The scene drew comparisons to centuries old traditions, though observers were quick to note… Read more

Donald Trump has declared many wars in his political career — on windmills, on toilets that “don’t flush right,” on the English language itself — but today he opened up a brand-new front: Tylenol. In a rambling press conference that had aides Googling “how to walk into the ocean,” Trump announced that acetaminophen “causes tremendous autism, the most autism, especially for babies still in the womb. I’ve read many articles, the best… Read more

AOC and Whoopi Announce Unlikely Plan Washington DC was shaken this week by an unexpected proposal from Representative Alexandria Ocasio Cortez and television personality Whoopi Goldberg. During a joint panel on sustainable living, the pair suggested that Arlington National Cemetery, one of the nation’s most hallowed grounds, should be transformed into what they described as a “thriving vegan community garden that honors the planet.” “We need to think about the future, not… Read more

Whoopi Sparks a New Statue Debate Philadelphia has once again found itself at the center of a culture war after actress and daytime talk show host Whoopi Goldberg reportedly suggested that the city replace its iconic Rocky Balboa statue with a monument to George Floyd. During an appearance on her show, Goldberg argued that the boxer’s bronze likeness, located near the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art, “no longer reflects the… Read more

The Collab Nobody Asked For, But Liberals Bought Anyway Dr. Squatch has revealed its most unusual collaboration to date: a limited-edition bar soap called Big Grrrl Bubbles, infused with actual droplets of Lizzo’s bathwater. The soap debuted online at $14.99 and sold out in minutes, with thousands of progressives proudly announcing that they had “finally found hygiene that aligns with their values.” The bar promises a combination of eucalyptus oil, kale extract,… Read more