Claims iconic Super Mario power-up may contribute to “distorted neurological expectations” in children By Staff | July 28, 2025 | Washington, D.C. U.S. Secretary of Health Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has directed a preliminary review into the potential neurological impacts of Power Stars featured in Nintendo’s Super Mario video game franchise, citing concerns that such mechanics may influence childhood cognitive development, including potential correlations with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). The internal review,… Read more
In New Trade Deal with Japan, Trump Trades Rare Earth Minerals for Life-Size Statue of Chun-Li
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former President Donald Trump took the stage Tuesday at Mar-a-Lago to unveil what he called “the greatest, classiest, most beautiful trade deal in American history,” proudly revealing a custom-made, life-size statue of Chun-Li, the iconic fighter from Street Fighter, flanked by a pair of velvet ropes and a live marching band playing a slowed-down version of her theme. In exchange for the statue, the United States agreed to a… Read more
Robin’s Descent: Panic, Paranoia, and the Grip of Trump Derangement Syndrome
Robin's Unraveling In the heart of a bustling park, under a sky heavy with summer clouds, Robin stood tall—or at least, she tried to. The photo captured her in that fleeting moment of defiance: curly hair tousled by the breeze, sunglasses perched on her nose, and her hands gripping a handmade sign that twisted Robert Frost's famous words into a sharp political jab. "TWO PATHS DIVERGED IN THE WOODS AND AMERICA TOOK… Read more
Columbia House Launches Armed Recovery Unit to Collect on 1990s CD Subscriptions
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — In a surprise early morning raid, Columbia House officials — now operating as a fully deputized recovery agency — apprehended local man Eric Halvorsen, 44, for the non-payment of 13 compact discs ordered between 1992 and 1994. Halvorsen, who had assumed the company “went out of business, or just gave up like everyone else,” was taken into custody after agents in full tactical gear knocked on his door holding… Read more
Pentagon Unveils “Queer-Readiness Protocol” Led by Admiral Rachel Levine, Promptly Breaks Fox News
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a landmark initiative aimed at boosting inclusivity in the armed forces, Admiral Rachel Levine this week announced the rollout of the Department of Defense’s new “Queer-Readiness Protocol,” a mandatory policy designed to ensure all branches of the military are “operationally fabulous” by 2026. The program includes comprehensive LGBTQ+ sensitivity training, gender-affirming combat uniforms, and the reclassification of all military vehicles as “they/them.” According to internal memos, the Marines… Read more
He complained so much we just gave him Zelda – Nintendo on Leguizamo.
He complained so much we just gave him Zelda - Nintendo on Leguizamo. Great news, the Mario movie has spawned so much success that they are creating a multiverse. The next one being an untitled Zelda movie. While we do not yet know the name, or story of the movie, some of the casting has been announced. Unlike Illumination studio and Mario, this one is going to be live action. Director Peter… Read more
James Gunn: I fired Henry Cavill for a new femboi look: Elliot Page does it!
This is a guest post as read by Geralt of Rivia. Scroll down for the audio. In a shocking turn of events we find out why Henry Cavill was fired. Apparently it was more than just his refusal to get political. Yes, the Man of Steel may just be too, manly? That's what a recent tweet from James Gunn states anyway. Check out this tweet, and we quote: I am sorry, but… Read more
Disney releases Capitan America concept art for upcoming film (must see gallery)
Disney head concept artist Darneeka Jones was given the green light by top executives to release character art for the titled Capitan America spinoff Bucky and Cap: Muddy waters with the bigot brigade. Darneeka says in a 22 word tweet " I'm just doing my job and I'd do it for free. It's about time Capitan America is represented by an effeminate Sissy". The internet is on fire with both glee or… Read more
Chris Chan changes gender to “hedgehog” – Prison must bunk him with Ron Jeremy
In a crazy turn of events, Chris Chan, backed by several civil liberty groups, was allowed to change his gender to "hedgehog" in the Michigan State Prison system earlier this week. The ACLU works to ensure that lesbian, gay, furry, pangender, transgender, and other non conforming people can live openly without discrimination and enjoy equal rights, personal autonomy, and freedom of expression and association. ACLU spokesman Duncan Umom was quoted saying this:… Read more
Amazon to replace White tree of Gondor with a black one for season two
Its only fair states Amazon's top executive, Ramadong Dashiki, who states this is only a small change, and to expect more. Fans all over the globe are cheering in support, with some fans also claiming that they should be casting Lil' Wayne as Smeagol "or else". I am just not sure how I feel about casting Little Wayne, but the tree is cool, I guess./p> What are your thoughts?? Read more