Monthly Archives: April 2019

As absurd as it sounds, Trump's penis has been covered by the mainstream news quite a bit. CNN literally wrote about it here and here among many other media sources. But it came as a shock to read about the presidential phallus in the White House medical exam earlier this week. The Presidential "member" is trending again in the news and for a big reason. President Donald Trump had his second full… Read more

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is taking a page out of the 2012 EPA playbook. Doubling down on the original regulations and proposing a bill that will outright ban all wood burning stoves by 2020. She held a rally outside of capitol hill today with one main goal in mind: The health of the environment. While protesters on both sides showed up to sound off it was Alexandria with the platform and her voice rang… Read more

While details are scarce about the most recent Star Wars spin off update, cheers for diversity can be heard at LucasFilm headquarters today. Film producer Kathleen Kennedy and Jon Favreau at Disney together announced the monumental decision to cast Wanda Sykes, a multi talented gay and African American woman as the role of Jango Fett, Boba Fett's father. Kathleen, a champion of women's rights in Hollywood doubled down on the "future is… Read more

Joe Biden's campaign is livid and for good reason, they are victims of a fake news conundrum. There are phony campaign shirts in circulation mocking the hopeful candidate and they were mistakenly displayed by several mainstream news outlets and thousands of affiliates. CNN and ABC both displayed shirts labeled Joe Biden 20' -- "he feels you" on their morning programs today in what they thought was an offical debut from the campaign.… Read more

Last month our offices received an anonymous story which we wrote off as rabble rousing by internet users, but two very interesting sources have came to our field reporter and chief editor Marc Stiffener confirming what our tipster wrote. Sources say Brie Larson is being written out of the avengers (possibly blackballed) for her secret alter life style: She is a White Nationalist. Trent Opaloch (the Cinematographer for Marvel blockbuster Avengers endgame)… Read more

Springfield Vermont. High School senior David Wright is breaking legal ground by initiating one of the most controversial lawsuits of 2019. David is suing his biological parents, for being white. David, 18, claims the weight of Shame bestowed on him by his parents simply for being white is at times too much to handle. "When I was a kid I knew I shouldn't be white" David Wright recalls while lighting up a… Read more

AUGUSTA GEORGIA -- The Augusta city pound has to answer questions from the mayor today as to why a pit bull was allowed to exit the shelter and maim more victims only hours before his scheduled lethal injection. Half border collie half pit bull, Mr. Pibbles, made the front page of Augusta Sentinel last November at a local Beach when it swam nearly a half mile into a very choppy Lake Nogale,… Read more

Iran - Dr. Mohammad Saladin and his veteran team of researchers are all smiles today at the Iranian Institute for religious science. Saladin and his team claimed to remove and cure symptoms of homosexuality completely if treated at a young age. The proprietary inoculation stems from a research article published to the American medical journal in 1963 labeled "Prenatally administering testosterone to the African clawed frog" which was known to have a… Read more

BREAKING: The man pictured, Max Cady is wanted and extremely dangerous. He has changed his appearance some since this last known photo. Police have reason to believe that he has since paid a dentist to grind down his teeth. He has grown his hair out to shoulder length and has several identifying tattoos which can be seen on our website. He's an extremely religious man and it is noteworthy to report that… Read more

OPINION: King County Sheriff's office has to start answering. These two deputies seen in this photo have killed at least 50 people in the line of duty behind their badges. Is now the time to talk about the declining mental health state among our police officers? The Lampoon Tribune has recently held a closed door interview with Former Kings County Sheriff's Deputy Lambert Kendal who was willing to speak to us openly… Read more