Hulk Hogan Racist? The Footage Nobody Wants to Talk About People love to call Hulk Hogan racist. It is the easiest narrative to push if you ignore the facts and just parrot what you read online. For years, social media experts and armchair activists have piled on, pointing fingers, sharing …
Read More »Clinton School District Reveals Town Pool Was Demolished for “Love Is Love” Playground, Backed by Hamilton College and Local Restaurant
CLINTON, NY — After weeks of speculation about the sudden July demolition of Clinton’s beloved town pool, the Clinton Central School District has finally revealed the reason: the area will soon be home to the “Love Is Love Playground,” a state-of-the-art play space for LGBTQ+ kids—and, as officials cautiously clarified, …
Read More »FOX News must hire “unattractive” news personalities: Supreme Court
Supreme Court Declares “Beauty Quota” Unconstitutional In a decision that legal analysts are calling “the end of an era” for cable news, the United States Supreme Court ruled 8-0 on Wednesday that FOX News must immediately hire “a statistically representative sample of unattractive women” as news personalities. The majority opinion, …
Read More »Liberal Feels Sad For Man Dying Of COVID, Then Happy After Hearing He Wasn’t Vaccinated, Then Sad Again Because He Was An Illegal Immigrant
PORTLAND, OR — Local software designer Lucas Whittaker experienced a rapid series of emotional shifts Tuesday evening after reading a news article about a man who died from COVID-19, according to those familiar with the incident. Whittaker, 29, reportedly began by expressing deep sympathy for the unnamed victim. “It’s just …
Read More »Quiet Nebraska Neighborhood Burned to Ground by Nintendo Mercenaries in Hunt for Unlicensed Zelda Keychains
OMAHA, NE— A sleepy suburban neighborhood in Omaha was reduced to smoking rubble early Tuesday morning after Nintendo reportedly deployed an elite paramilitary strike force in a ruthless crackdown against residents accused of creating and distributing homemade Legend of Zelda-themed keychains without proper licensing. Eyewitness accounts from survivors of the …
Read More »RFK Jr. Demands Congressional Inquiry Into Potential Link Between Power Stars and Autism
Claims iconic Super Mario power-up may contribute to “distorted neurological expectations” in children By Staff | July 28, 2025 | Washington, D.C. U.S. Secretary of Health Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has directed a preliminary review into the potential neurological impacts of Power Stars featured in Nintendo’s Super Mario video game …
Read More »In New Trade Deal with Japan, Trump Trades Rare Earth Minerals for Life-Size Statue of Chun-Li
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former President Donald Trump took the stage Tuesday at Mar-a-Lago to unveil what he called “the greatest, classiest, most beautiful trade deal in American history,” proudly revealing a custom-made, life-size statue of Chun-Li, the iconic fighter from Street Fighter, flanked by a pair of velvet ropes and …
Read More »Robin’s Descent: Panic, Paranoia, and the Grip of Trump Derangement Syndrome
Robin’s Unraveling In the heart of a bustling park, under a sky heavy with summer clouds, Robin stood tall—or at least, she tried to. The photo captured her in that fleeting moment of defiance: curly hair tousled by the breeze, sunglasses perched on her nose, and her hands gripping a …
Read More »Columbia House Launches Armed Recovery Unit to Collect on 1990s CD Subscriptions
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — In a surprise early morning raid, Columbia House officials — now operating as a fully deputized recovery agency — apprehended local man Eric Halvorsen, 44, for the non-payment of 13 compact discs ordered between 1992 and 1994. Halvorsen, who had assumed the company “went out of business, …
Read More »Pentagon Unveils “Queer-Readiness Protocol” Led by Admiral Rachel Levine, Promptly Breaks Fox News
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a landmark initiative aimed at boosting inclusivity in the armed forces, Admiral Rachel Levine this week announced the rollout of the Department of Defense’s new “Queer-Readiness Protocol,” a mandatory policy designed to ensure all branches of the military are “operationally fabulous” by 2026. The program includes …
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