Politics 🏛️

AOC: protestors don't know how to use self checkout: "not Criminal" Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez gave a speech today from behind the new border wall along the capitol building, reminding us of the dangers of systemic racism. But most importantly the need for an education in retail shopping with regard self checkout machines. "They don't know how to use them. You can see a man here trying to swipe this hammer over and over… Read more

SHARE the cause. Let's get the country to put George Floyd's image on every $20 bill, either ourselves (with ink stamps that I'm hoping people will be encouraged to make on Etsy after seeing this) or pressure to the government to do so. He deserves his spot in national history. Call your local congressman today and demand. Sir Floyd the Breathless 👼 fly high sweet angel. Read more

We spoke with the BLM today where member and Brooklyn BLM Cofounder Juanita Jenkins informed us that the color change for the White House may be going splendidly. "There are still shootings occurring in which an armed white individual might shoot an unarmed colored individual with the intention to kill. It is still very evident in today's world that some of the minority are just being very mistreated. Especially when they comitt… Read more

That's right. Rhonda Payload (formerly known as Michael Stien) and her girls are taking a stand for minorities Today. In move both incredibly Brave and stunning Rhonda has decided to fight bigotry and oppression on a whole new level: the sexual level. She tells the Lampoon: Men are driven by one head, the little one. We can have them eating out of the palms of our hands in no time if we… Read more

Transgender Boxer Falon Fox competing in 2021 Olympics - Hopes to crush some "Bi**h a** hoe's" skull. Move over ladies boxing. The Olympics just got that much more interesting as transgender boxer Falon Fox joins the ranks. Fallon Fox, the first MMA fighter to come out as transgender, once fractured the skull of her opponent in an MMA fight in 2014. Well she's making headlines again as she joins the Olympic team.… Read more

Long Beach, California In a sad turn of events a completely female weightlifter Laurel Hubbard said goodbye to her Olympic dreams yesterday after suffering a very dangerous accident which will put her out of commission for the upcoming Olympic Games. In a bizarre arm wrestling match with her bros, she ruptured her left testicle while straining. She did win however, and the purse was big, a 1987 Camaro and six kegs of… Read more

Starting this week, the White House is hoping Americans smash desperate housewives for Covid vaccines, partnering with Ashley Madison to offer incentives. "Life is short" Joe Biden says, "why not boost your chances of extramarital Bliss by getting the shot today". What he is referring to is a Whitehouse endorsed incentive on Ashley Madison by uploading your vaccination certificate to the website after you make a profile. By doing so you become… Read more

Dr. Fauci: "medical Anal plugs can prevent Covid-19 spread. We must do our part." A big question that we have finally fact checked: "Can you get the coronavirus from a fart?" Our Dr. Fauci tells us: The risk of getting the infection from farts is not as low as one would think. Drawing a link to farts - which often times will carry tiny poo particles - and the spread of COVID-19… Read more

There is growing outrage over calls by BLM activists, historians and journalists to replace The Star Spangled Banner as the national anthem because it was written by slave owner Francis Scott Key, and potentially replace it with N.W.A.'s "f**k tha police". Outrage as activists and journalists say the Star Spangled Banner should no longer be the National Anthem because it was written by slave owner Francis Scott Key - and suggest N.W.A.'s… Read more

This just in, Civil liberty unions teamed up with LBGTQ protesters and the BLM to fight for the one thing society was still lacking.... a transexual variation of Hooters. Hooters spokeswoman Eflikia Bean said she was orginally opposed to the idea but changed her mind after letters from the NY civil liberty union reminded her that transexuals make up almost 0.003% of the population and that they need representation too. "They made… Read more