Crime 🚔

Nurse Arrested in Orlando Nursing Home Scandal Orlando, Florida – Authorities have confirmed the arrest of Kimberly Wolcott, a nurse at Shady Acres Nursing Home, after what investigators are calling the largest “senior love ring” bust in modern nursing home history. Wolcott, who had been employed at the facility for over a decade, allegedly distributed prescription drugs, primarily Viagra, under the guise of “therapeutic activity.” Police say she encouraged residents to “explore… Read more

In Upstate New York an Albany man is suing the local all-you-can-eat buffet chain Golden Corral for 1.5 million dollars, citing false advertisement after literally being thrown out of the building for eating over 40 lbs of food. According to patrons and close friends of the Man, 42 year old Ryan Kush was physically expelled from the restaurant after spending six hours inside the facility. A manager of the Golden Corral, Martin… Read more

Medina - Saudi Arabia. A 12 year-old woman was left in a 1994 Pontiac Bonneville at a downtown hummus Factory for 8 hours today, resulting in her death. The Saudi Arabian authorities state twelve-year-old old Fetite Hannoush died of heat stroke and Hyperthermia after spending almost nine hours locked in her husband's car on a day where temperatures reached a scorching 110 degrees outside. Her husband told authorities that he was running… Read more

More than 30 years ago a scandal that shocked the nation is finally getting some closure as Donald Trump pardoned Jenny Curran from Bedford Womens State Prison today after pressure to reform prison by Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. For those unfamiliar with the story Miss Curan had a shaky criminal past pocketed with drug use... but wound up doing hard time after being arrested and charged with sexually abusing a ward… Read more

Do you have a loved one who is incarcerated? Is he a minority? Is he over the age of 45 or under the age of 19? Has he spent five or more years behind bars with no behavioral incidents? If he is a minority who fits one of these stipulations he may be eligible for immediate release from prison if Bernie Sanders and AOC have their way. Bernie Sanders and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez… Read more

Augusta | Governor Kemp is making waves for the pro life movement again today, but not in the traditional sense. Last Tuesday the state witnessed one of the greatest one day abortion records in State history as the Augusta Planned Parenthood preformed a record 13 abortions in one day, only to be outdone that night by a rogue pit bull let loose in a pediatric nursery wing of the ST. Elizabeth hospital.… Read more

Tehran | One of the most famous horses in the movie history, Sea biscuit (real name 'Two Step Too') has been stoned to death today for his participation in homosexual acts with another horse considered to be haraam and prohibited by the Qur'ran. The crown price of Iran, Rezs Pahlavi, has one of the most lavish horse stables in all of the world -- and a collection of world class horses to… Read more

AUGUSTA GEORGIA -- The Augusta city pound has to answer questions from the mayor today as to why a pit bull was allowed to exit the shelter and maim more victims only hours before his scheduled lethal injection. Half border collie half pit bull, Mr. Pibbles, made the front page of Augusta Sentinel last November at a local Beach when it swam nearly a half mile into a very choppy Lake Nogale,… Read more

BREAKING: The man pictured, Max Cady is wanted and extremely dangerous. He has changed his appearance some since this last known photo. Police have reason to believe that he has since paid a dentist to grind down his teeth. He has grown his hair out to shoulder length and has several identifying tattoos which can be seen on our website. He's an extremely religious man and it is noteworthy to report that… Read more

OPINION: King County Sheriff's office has to start answering. These two deputies seen in this photo have killed at least 50 people in the line of duty behind their badges. Is now the time to talk about the declining mental health state among our police officers? The Lampoon Tribune has recently held a closed door interview with Former Kings County Sheriff's Deputy Lambert Kendal who was willing to speak to us openly… Read more