Yearly Archives: 2025

Donald Trump has declared many wars in his political career — on windmills, on toilets that “don’t flush right,” on the English language itself — but today he opened up a brand-new front: Tylenol. In a rambling press conference that had aides Googling “how to walk into the ocean,” Trump announced that acetaminophen “causes tremendous autism, the most autism, especially for babies still in the womb. I’ve read many articles, the best… Read more

AOC and Whoopi Announce Unlikely Plan Washington DC was shaken this week by an unexpected proposal from Representative Alexandria Ocasio Cortez and television personality Whoopi Goldberg. During a joint panel on sustainable living, the pair suggested that Arlington National Cemetery, one of the nation’s most hallowed grounds, should be transformed into what they described as a “thriving vegan community garden that honors the planet.” “We need to think about the future, not… Read more

Whoopi Sparks a New Statue Debate Philadelphia has once again found itself at the center of a culture war after actress and daytime talk show host Whoopi Goldberg reportedly suggested that the city replace its iconic Rocky Balboa statue with a monument to George Floyd. During an appearance on her show, Goldberg argued that the boxer’s bronze likeness, located near the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art, “no longer reflects the… Read more

The Collab Nobody Asked For, But Liberals Bought Anyway Dr. Squatch has revealed its most unusual collaboration to date: a limited-edition bar soap called Big Grrrl Bubbles, infused with actual droplets of Lizzo’s bathwater. The soap debuted online at $14.99 and sold out in minutes, with thousands of progressives proudly announcing that they had “finally found hygiene that aligns with their values.” The bar promises a combination of eucalyptus oil, kale extract,… Read more

The Flaw That Became a Selling Point Since 2017, millions of Nintendo Switch owners have discovered the same oddity. Characters begin to walk on their own. Menus scroll without input. Controllers drift as if possessed. For most companies, this would be called a defect. For Nintendo, it is a feature. Joy-Con drift, once the bane of gamers worldwide, is now officially reframed by the company as “immersive unpredictability.” Executives insist this experience… Read more

Nintendo Modernizes Pricing, Not Games Nintendo has announced that Super Mario Odyssey will return on the upcoming Switch 2 at a price of $99.99. The game itself is unchanged, but executives insist that the new price represents an “enhanced value proposition.” “Nintendo has always been about fun,” said spokesperson Haruto Akiyama, “and raising the price without raising the content ensures that fun now carries a greater sense of accomplishment. When you beat… Read more

A Sudden Shift in Branding LEBANON, Tenn. – For decades, Cracker Barrel has built its reputation on Southern comfort food, antique décor, and the promise of a front porch rocking chair. But this week, loyal customers were startled to find those rocking chairs now flanked by towering skeletons, animatronic clowns, and discount fog machines. Cracker Barrel has officially rebranded under the Spirit Halloween banner. The change comes as part of what executives… Read more

HOLLYWOOD HILLS — Netflix detonated a holy hand grenade into the culture wars this week by casting Pete Davidson as Jesus in the upcoming dramedy The Chill Messiah. The hoodie-wearing, vape-puffing Messiah will stroll the streets of modern suburbia, turning water into White Claw and delivering sermons in TikTok-friendly bursts. Religious leaders, political commentators, and bored Twitter warriors quickly dove head-first into a furious online brawl over the show’s creative liberties and… Read more

Southern Breakfast Turns Unruly as Interracial Couple Arrested at Cracker Barrel The tranquility of a typical Saturday morning at the Shelbyville Cracker Barrel was shattered in spectacular fashion, as the phrase “interracial couple arrested at Cracker Barrel” became more than just a clickbait headline. It became a national flashpoint. The events began innocently enough, with a black woman and her Asian partner strolling in, holding hands, smiling politely, and ordering two large… Read more

Hulk Hogan Racist? The Footage Nobody Wants to Talk About People love to call Hulk Hogan racist. It is the easiest narrative to push if you ignore the facts and just parrot what you read online. For years, social media experts and armchair activists have piled on, pointing fingers, sharing memes, and quoting headlines, rarely stopping to examine what actually happened in the ring. But once you watch the real footage, the… Read more