In a turn of events that has both the medical community and Italian chefs worldwide saying, “Wait, what?” transgender women have reportedly started using tomato paste to mimic periods. This DIY approach to menstruation has sparked a flurry of reactions, ranging from concerned to utterly bamboozled, with a side of marinara.
“We believe in embracing all aspects of womanhood,” said one eager participant, brandishing a can opener and a tube of tomato paste. “And if that means turning ourselves into human lasagnas once a month, then so be it.”
The medical community has been swift in their response. “We absolutely do not recommend this,” said one doctor, looking visibly disturbed. “There are so many reasons why this is a bad idea, I don’t even know where to start.”
Italian chefs, on the other hand, have been equally horrified but for entirely different reasons. “Sacrilege! Outrage! Disrespect to the sacred pomodoro!” cried one renowned chef, clutching a bottle of olive oil to his chest as though seeking comfort.
Meanwhile, the rest of the world is still trying to process this information. “I just wanted to make some spaghetti bolognese,” said one woman, staring in confusion at her tube of tomato paste. “Now I’m not sure I can ever look at this the same way again.”
In response to the controversy, the tomato paste industry is considering adding a warning label to their products: “For culinary use only. Not to be used for DIY menstruation.” A representative said, “We never thought we’d have to say this, but here we are.”
As this tomatoey trend continues to make waves, we’re left to wonder: What’s next? Will people start using grated cheese as dandruff, or spaghetti as hair extensions? Only time will tell. Until then, let’s all agree to keep tomato paste where it belongs—in our pasta, not our underwear.
Transgender Women Turn to Tomato Paste for DIY Periods, Pasta Lovers Reel in Horror
About the author
