Starbucks’ “POC-Only” Locations Earn Praise from BLM

In a move that’s causing double-takes worldwide, Starbucks has announced plans to create locations exclusively for people of color (POC). This unconventional initiative has unexpectedly won praise from Black Lives Matter (BLM), who called it “a revolutionary step towards equality.” Meanwhile, the rest of the world wonders if the coffee giant has confused progress with segregation.

“We’re thrilled,” said a BLM spokesperson, holding a ‘Justice Java’—Starbucks’ new POC-exclusive blend. “Starbucks has finally given us the separate, safe space that we…wait, have we been asking for this?”

Starbucks CEO, sipping from a cup emblazoned with a rainbow-colored fist, explained the decision: “We believe in creating spaces that champion diversity. And nothing says ‘diversity’ quite like enforcing racial exclusion at our stores.”

Critics have pointed out the uncanny resemblance between Starbucks’ new policy and historical racial segregation. But Starbucks remains undeterred. “Segregation? No, no,” said a Starbucks representative, “This is ‘caffeinated inclusivity.’ It’s different because we say it is.”

Many customers are scratching their heads at this turn of events. “I just wanted a venti iced skinny hazelnut macchiato, sugar-free syrup, extra shot, light ice, no whip,” lamented one patron outside a POC-only Starbucks. “But apparently, I don’t have the right genetic makeup.”

BLM, however, is applauding Starbucks for its bold move. “At last, a place where POC can sip overpriced coffee in peace,” said the BLM spokesperson, adding that they look forward to future initiatives like “espresso reparations” and “cappuccinos for social justice.”

Starbucks’ decision has led to a surge in sales of home coffee machines and a renewed interest in local coffee shops. Meanwhile, the company is already planning its next big idea: stores exclusively for LBGT customers.’

As we navigate this strange new world of ‘coffee inclusivity,’ one thing is clear: Starbucks is determined to brew change, one controversial cup at a time. So next time you’re craving a caramel frappuccino, make sure to check if you’re eligible to enter your local Starbucks. Your coffee run just got a whole lot more complicated.