New York State Passes “Terrible Twos Termination” Legislation, Toddlers Beware

In a move that has left parents everywhere either horrified or secretly nodding in understanding, New York State has just passed a controversial law giving women the option to “abort” their children up to three years of age.

The law, affectionately dubbed the “Terrible Twos Termination” legislation, was passed in an attempt to alleviate the stress of dealing with temper tantrums, potty training, and the general chaos that is toddlerhood. “We understand that parenting is hard,” explained Governor Whoopsie Daisy. “Sometimes, you just need a do-over.”

It provides a legal framework for parents to “return” their children to the hospital where they were born for the abortion procedure, effectively hitting the reset button on parenthood.

The response to the new law has been predictably mixed. Some parents are bewildered. “I mean, I joke about sending my kids back when they’re smearing spaghetti sauce on the walls,” said one parent, “but I didn’t think the state would take me seriously!”

Others, however, are seeing the potential benefits. “Does this mean I can finally get a good night’s sleep?” asked a mother of twins, her eyes filled with desperate hope.

Critics of the law argue that it’s a slippery slope. “What’s next?” asked one worried citizen. “Are we going to be able to ‘abort’ our teenagers when they start slamming doors and blasting music?”

Despite the controversy, Governor Daisy stands by the law. “We believe in choice,” she said. “The choice to become a parent, and the choice to say, ‘Nope, not dealing with this tantrum today.'”

As parents across the state either rejoice or recoil, toddlers everywhere are reportedly stepping up their game. Bedtimes are being respected, peas are being eaten, and toys are being put away with unprecedented speed. After all, nobody wants to get “aborted” for refusing to share their blocks.

So, parents, rejoice! Those toddler years just got a whole lot more negotiable. And remember, there’s no shame in admitting defeat—especially if it means you can finally finish a cup of coffee while it’s still hot.