In a move that’s left onlookers equally baffled and bedazzled, the White House has unveiled its latest addition to the South Lawn: a 24-karat gold statue of George Floyd. The monument, titled “The Midas Touch of Justice,” stands as a symbol of… well, no one’s quite sure yet, but it’s certainly shiny.
The 10-foot-tall statue, which can be seen from space (and has already confused several satellites and one International Space Station astronaut), has become the administration’s latest, most glittering effort to address social issues. “It’s about reflecting on our past,” stated the President, squinting against the glare during the unveiling ceremony, “quite literally. You can see yourself in the struggles and triumphs represented by this golden figure.”
Detractors have been quick to point out the potential tone-deafness of immortalizing a man, whose death sparked a global movement for racial justice, in a precious metal more commonly associated with wealth and excess. “What’s next, a diamond-encrusted ‘I Can’t Breathe’ face mask?” asked one Twitter user, whose tweet quickly went viral.
Critics have also highlighted the environmental impact of such a statue, with one environmentalist calculating that the gold mining required for the monument could have powered an electric vehicle for 1.2 million miles. “That statue’s carbon footprint is larger than the carbon footprints of all the other statues in Washington, D.C., combined,” they claimed, shaking their head at a spreadsheet.
However, the artist behind the work, Ima Sculpta, defended the decision. “Gold is the material of reverence. This statue isn’t just a figure; it’s a conversation plated in 24-karat gold. It’s impossible to ignore, much like the issues it’s meant to represent.”
When asked about the potential for theft, the Secret Service assured the public that the statue is both heavily guarded and equipped with GPS tracking, suggesting that any would-be thieves would have an easier time stealing the entire White House than making off with “Gold Floyd.”
The statue has also inspired a new tourism campaign for the nation’s capital: “Come for the history, stay for the selfie with America’s most opulent civil rights icon.” The campaign has proven to be a hit, with thousands flocking to the White House gates, hoping to catch a glimpse of the golden figure as it basks in the Washington sun.
As the debate rages on, “The Midas Touch of Justice” stands tall, unperturbed by the controversy or the pigeons, who seem to be the only ones unimpressed by the sheen, as they perch on Floyd’s golden shoulder, leaving behind their own mark of protest.
Gold Floyd: White House Lawn Graced with Gold George statue
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