Catholic priest hospitalized after crucifix removed from rectum.

Albany – A 47 year old Catholic priest was rushed to Albany Medical Center today under some deeply private Matters. Father Bobby Capri was admitted shortly after calling 911 to report a fall in the shower and that he “couldn’t get up”.

EMT’s noted that Father Capri had just the tip of a wooden object protruding from his anus resembling that of the end of a chair leg.

Radiologist report showed a 12″ long crucifix lodged in his rectal cavity. It was at this time Dr Brian Henderson knew he was going to be in too deep.

After 15 hours of meticulous and painstaking surgery the team of doctors were able to successfully free the stuck Crux from the clerics anus. Dr. Henderson says it was the shape of a crucifix that made its removal a puzzle in itself.

Dr. Henderson had this to say —

It took a long time to get that thing out of there. And we are still perplexed on just how exactly he got it in there in the first place. We made three incisions to expand his anus to the required size. There was simply no other way.

Dr. Henderson says this anal cavity foreign object removal (ACFOR) surgery was the most intense procedure ever completed by his staff.

My staff was great today. Their professionalism may have saved this man’s life. I have to say I do find all this deeply troubling however. As a Catholic myself, I never thought I would see such a sacred object in the anus of a man of God.

The lampoon has released a photo of the exact replica of the Crucifix involved with father Capri’s injury.

As rare as the sounds, over 6,000 American show up to local hospitals annually with foreign objects stuck in their rectums.

Father Capri’s case is just one of many to draw media attention.

In September of 2018 a school teacher from Brownstone New Jersey was rushed to the hospital to have an over-sized light saber themed vibrator removed from her bottom.

In January of 2019 an Asian American gymnast and father-of-three went to the hospital from abdominal cramping only to find out he had accidentally used the construction equipment ‘Liquid Nails’ in place of lubrication.

Other objects reportedly found in human anal cavity include batteries, cell phones, fruit and vegetables, Matchbox cars and in Richard Gere’s case, a live gerbil.