“It’s Ma’am” GameStop Customer Buys Majority Stake, Declares Trans Only Staff Policy

In a turn of events more surprising than finding a mint-condition copy of “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial” for Atari, the “It’s ma’am” GameStop customer has become the majority shareholder of the very company he once berated. His first order of business? Implementing a trans-only staff policy.

The customer, now referred to as “Ma’am,” made headlines a few years back for a heated exchange in a GameStop store. Now, Ma’am has gone from viral sensation to corporate overlord, after buying 51% of the company’s shares.

In a press conference held in a GameStop store fittingly located near the Hollywood Walk of Fame, Ma’am announced the new employment policy. “From now on, it’s going to be ‘trans or bust’ at GameStop,” said Ma’am, standing behind a podium made of unsold “Cyberpunk 2077” copies. “And yes, that pun was intended.”

The decision has sparked a frenzy of discussion, with critics arguing that the policy is discriminatory. But Ma’am remains unfazed, saying, “GameStop has always been about embracing diversity—just look at our range of games. We’ve got everything from ‘Animal Crossing’ to ‘Zombie Army 4.’ It’s time our staff reflected that diversity, too.”

Unconfirmed rumors suggest that the new employment policy will also include a mandatory daily recitation of the phrase “It’s ma’am,” and an extensive training program on how to handle irate customers who are adamant about trading in their decade-old games for the same price they bought them.

Meanwhile, GameStop employees are still trying to process this surprising development. “I’m just here for the employee discount,” said one bewildered staff member, who was busy alphabetizing a pile of used games. “Does this mean I’ll have to trade in my gender identity too?”

As GameStop prepares for this unprecedented shift in policy, one thing is clear: the game has definitely changed. Whether this will translate into a “Game Over” or “Level Up” for the company, only time will tell. Until then, we’ll be keeping our eyes on the leaderboards.